In April of 2015, I wrote this in my diary.
Thursday, April 9th 2015
Today I went to the movies by myself.
It was strange, not speaking to anyone, not commenting on the commercials and previews.
I absolutely loved it. I don’t mind spending time with just me. I don’t do a lot of it, except on my drive to school and back, and it was refreshing. I had room to breath, to think, and to not do much of anything else.
I ate food and didn’t have to worry about what anyone thought. I cried much too hard during the movie, something I desperately needed to do, and I didn’t hold back.
The Longest Ride. Nicholas Sparks.
Note to self, an incredible story with an exquisite ending, telling the story of love and compassion in a lovely way. Do I think that kind of love exists? Yes, maybe. This girl loved the guy a lot, but they broke up. They get together in the end and the credits role and I just want to know, what was their first fight like? Did she regret being with him? How often did she question if she made the right decision?
Does the girl in the movie end up happy?
Will I?
This is a question that is so self-centered that I have decided to no longer entertain it. I don’t want to depend on a man to be happy. There is one Man whose favor I long to seek and that is Gods.
--
When have I ever desired to go to college? When did I ever wake up and say to myself “Wow! I want to go to college!” I don’t think that God gave me the desire to ever go. I truly believe that because I have never once longed to do it, that that is God telling me that it’s okay to truly pursue my dreams elsewhere.
So why the heck am I going to classes every Tuesday and Thursday?
Today I asked my math teacher why we we’re being taught a certain formula, and he honestly answered explaining to me that he didn’t know if we’d ever use it, and that “they” just want our brains to think in different ways.
I didn’t go to college to exercise different ways of thinking. I wanted to be better prepared for my future. So tell me, Mr Man-who-created-the-ABC-formula, why the heck are you making us do this? To find the same answer we’d find if we just plugged it into a computer?
Whats that? We won’t have computers? Oh. I suppose this math equation will be just as relevant as the problem it’s solving. It’s just funny to think that if I ever live in a world where I don’t have a computer, I probably won’t be needing that level of math.
I’m not going to pass my math class.
There are much worse things.
I know of a beautiful little girl whose name I cannot remember that lives in a hut and has never heard of the ABC Theory.
I bet she dreams to live past 10 years old.
It’s funny how the ABC theory can seem so irrelevant when you think about how many kids simply dream about living past ten years old.
Many people don't understand that.
People are just so comfortable. The bible doesn’t say live comfortably and give some cash to the poor lest you have to actually get dirty and uncomfortable and out of your healthy happy living zone.
That’s not what we’re called to do.
At least that is not what I am called to do. And I know that.
I get so fed up with the stubborn and selfish ways of this world, and I am just as bad. I like things a certain way and I get stressed over stupid stuff and I get caught up in myself and my stupid little problems. But I don’t want to be like that.
I hate this.
Not even that not many understand, it just seems like such a huge battle to fight. But I can do this. God didn’t put this desire in my heart for no reason and I refuse to let go of it. I am going to fight for this until my feet touch African soil again, and I will continue to fight even when I hold a crying child that is infected with AIDs and even when I lose people I love I am going to fight for the salvation of these beautiful people.
God fought for mine.
Thursday, April 9th 2015
Today I went to the movies by myself.
It was strange, not speaking to anyone, not commenting on the commercials and previews.
I absolutely loved it. I don’t mind spending time with just me. I don’t do a lot of it, except on my drive to school and back, and it was refreshing. I had room to breath, to think, and to not do much of anything else.
I ate food and didn’t have to worry about what anyone thought. I cried much too hard during the movie, something I desperately needed to do, and I didn’t hold back.
The Longest Ride. Nicholas Sparks.
Note to self, an incredible story with an exquisite ending, telling the story of love and compassion in a lovely way. Do I think that kind of love exists? Yes, maybe. This girl loved the guy a lot, but they broke up. They get together in the end and the credits role and I just want to know, what was their first fight like? Did she regret being with him? How often did she question if she made the right decision?
Does the girl in the movie end up happy?
Will I?
This is a question that is so self-centered that I have decided to no longer entertain it. I don’t want to depend on a man to be happy. There is one Man whose favor I long to seek and that is Gods.
--
When have I ever desired to go to college? When did I ever wake up and say to myself “Wow! I want to go to college!” I don’t think that God gave me the desire to ever go. I truly believe that because I have never once longed to do it, that that is God telling me that it’s okay to truly pursue my dreams elsewhere.
So why the heck am I going to classes every Tuesday and Thursday?
Today I asked my math teacher why we we’re being taught a certain formula, and he honestly answered explaining to me that he didn’t know if we’d ever use it, and that “they” just want our brains to think in different ways.
I didn’t go to college to exercise different ways of thinking. I wanted to be better prepared for my future. So tell me, Mr Man-who-created-the-ABC-formula, why the heck are you making us do this? To find the same answer we’d find if we just plugged it into a computer?
Whats that? We won’t have computers? Oh. I suppose this math equation will be just as relevant as the problem it’s solving. It’s just funny to think that if I ever live in a world where I don’t have a computer, I probably won’t be needing that level of math.
I’m not going to pass my math class.
There are much worse things.
I know of a beautiful little girl whose name I cannot remember that lives in a hut and has never heard of the ABC Theory.
I bet she dreams to live past 10 years old.
It’s funny how the ABC theory can seem so irrelevant when you think about how many kids simply dream about living past ten years old.
Many people don't understand that.
People are just so comfortable. The bible doesn’t say live comfortably and give some cash to the poor lest you have to actually get dirty and uncomfortable and out of your healthy happy living zone.
That’s not what we’re called to do.
At least that is not what I am called to do. And I know that.
I get so fed up with the stubborn and selfish ways of this world, and I am just as bad. I like things a certain way and I get stressed over stupid stuff and I get caught up in myself and my stupid little problems. But I don’t want to be like that.
I hate this.
Not even that not many understand, it just seems like such a huge battle to fight. But I can do this. God didn’t put this desire in my heart for no reason and I refuse to let go of it. I am going to fight for this until my feet touch African soil again, and I will continue to fight even when I hold a crying child that is infected with AIDs and even when I lose people I love I am going to fight for the salvation of these beautiful people.
God fought for mine.